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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Moron Monaco

I may have spelled that wrong. For such a little country, there's a lot to see. As I said, they had just had a royal wedding so it was all spiffed up. Here is the Ministry of Justice. I don't know, is it like the DMV or something?

And the old town, which is also the only town. Actually Albert has deluded himself into thinking he has five prefectures, or something to that effect. We would call that a "housing development."

We finally got a cab down out of there to the Grand Place, which is basically a very slow-moving parking lot full of very expensive cars.

Here we ate and waited to go gambling at the Grand Casino. Yeah, with the two towers. Bigger than the Palais Royale by far. See: Palais Royale:

Cafe Paris:

Gran Casino. Which is bigger, girls and boys?

And also the front of the casino before they open for business at 2 PM:

Here is also where I had camera issues again, but luckily I got all the pictures I needed to take, because you can't photograph the inside of the casino. Some people snuck their cell phones in and did it anyway, because of the rotating toilet seats, but I just don't care all that much. After lunch we hid out in the Haagen Dasz until 2 PM, played some video poker, lost three Euros, and left. It was so freakin' hot, we couldn't take any more.

I suppose the appeal of these Riviera yacht slums must make itself plainer when it's not high summer. My last comment on these floating slums is this. A lot of the women on the boat, whenever they saw a yacht slum, would say things like, "Oh, wouldn't you love to have one of those? Wouldn't you like a tour of one?" and so on. Why, no thank you, I'd rather not spend any time at all with people who individually have the carbon footprint of an African micro-nation. We wouldn't have much to say to one another. And here's another thing about those yachts, and up close, you can see it, and even smell it. Anyone who's been on a cruise knows that, when the ship is stationary, the decks are hot as hell, even in the shade. They pump their bilges into the marina, and there it sits, all around your zillion-Euro beauty. If you attempt to sit outdoors on a stationary vessel, you will combust. As soon as the excitement of being on a ship wears off, you head for an air conditioned lounge, and you don't go out again until the ship is moving. So what do you think it's like on a yacht jammed between its neighbors without a breath of fresh air, all the diesel generators running to produce air conditioning, and everyone around you sweating like a pig? You go hide in a dark lounge there, too, until it moves. You can get that very same experience, with a lot more air circulation, on a cruise with a few hundred people, and use up a lot less of the world's resources per capita.

Fascinating little place, very pretty, and very crowded.

The three or four hours we spent there were just right.

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