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Monday, June 22, 2009

Exploring Wisconsin Dells, or What the hell is wrong with these people?

In the Dells, we stayed at a very old resort which is in a nice setting on Lake Delton, which, even as we were there, was celebrating its return.

In case you were unaware, Lake Delton took an unexpected journey through its dam and into the Wisconsin River last year. Imagine that! But they managed to go get it and put it back where it belongs. Read this article for details.

And so the whole town was just bursting with pride, and anticipation, and rain, and freezing cold! Our cabin had a little screened porch we couldn’t sit on, and a heater we used a lot, and a fireplace which may or may not have worked. I tried it, and it didn’t do anything, and I left it at that. We kind of needed the space in front of it to pile up dog cages and stuff.

The day after we arrived, we went to a local 50s-themed diner, and then to get groceries at a big box store I am too ashamed to name, and I got a haircut while Joyce shopped. Honestly, I’d rather have a root canal than go shopping. So I had the unusual experience of sitting around in a hair store listening to straight women discussing . . . well, mainly stuff I couldn’t care less about. But it was still better than shopping, and I bet I, and the guy who came in after me, were the easiest customers they had all day. Short hair made shorter, the end.

Now, guess what was going on back at the resort. A pre-party for the return of the lake. It seemed to be made up mainly of people the owners knew, and, like, relatives. No guests were staying there but us, and we were invited, but it was freezing. Anyway, it was just as if we did go, because they held this party basically right on top of us. Somebody brought a speedboat and everyone went out riding in it, and water skiing, in the rain and cold. We couldn’t even sit on the damned porch wearing sweatshirts and jeans, and those people are barbecuing and playing cornhole in the rain. And they made quite a to-do over all this, with beer, screaming children and barking dogs running loose. Once in a while they’d all disappear and then we’d run the dogs out for a quick walk. I don’t know if they went to church or a sex shop or what.

Then at night they’d shriek and whoop around the firepit, in the rain. The firepit was conveniently located about 40 feet from our front door, amid the playground equipment, which the kids used, also in the rain. It wasn’t like they were keeping us from using it, and as I said, we were invited, but come on! It looked mostly like an invitation to catch a bad cold. So we declined.

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